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The WTF Action News Storm Team is rearin' and ready to have a go at another hurricane season! We're off to an early start this year, with Hurricane Dennis already the fourth named storm of the year, and it is only early in July yet! Unprecedented, and very dangerous. Let's take a look at Dennis. Except we're going to use the French version of the name, Denis, since we like it better.

Denis is a particularly well-endowed storm for this time of year, already a Category 3 as it grows and surges while parting the untamed tropical bush of Jamaica and Cuba. Satellite imagery shows the growing storm to be bulging with enthusiasm and desire, and Denis appears poised to bury himself to the hilt in the hot and moist conditions of the Gulf of Mexico. Following this initial penetration of the Gulf, Denis is expected to undergo a series of small expansions and contractions in intensity. We here at the WTF Action News Storm Team pride ourselves on educating the public, so here is your Weather Word™ for the day: the official term for this fluctuation of intensity is "throbbing".

The throbbing will continue as Denis moves with ever-greater intensity and rapidity through the warm and juicy Gulf, until he makes landfall and blows his gargantuan sloshing load onto the northern Gulf coast, likely near the spring break hotspot of Panama City Beach, FL. On satellite imagery, this explosion of cloudiness and precipitation will appear as a big white blob. After Denis comes deep inside the Florida panhandle, he will rapidly dissipate and become flaccid over the southeastern US, probably losing tropical characteristics, or as we in the business say, "go to sleep", somewhere over the mid-Atlantic states.

Below the cut is our forecast map for Denis. The pink shaft indicates the likely path of Denis, with a more intense red color used to indicate the area of greatest likelihood of penetration of the storm center.

Date: 2005-07-08 02:58 am (UTC)
ext_113261: (Default)
From: [identity profile] evilegg.livejournal.com
Mr. Weatherman,
Is there any possibility of the storm rolling over and regrouping over Washington DC with a fresh payload of precipitation?
Or, does Dennis not do anal?

Date: 2005-07-08 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] storm-team.livejournal.com
I am afraid there is little chance of that. Dennis has seen too many "Girls Gone Wild" videos and has his one eye set on making a dripping mess on a Florida beach.

However, a look ahead at the names of storms that will occur later this season indicates a likely candidate: Harvey. That just sounds like the name of someone who would do such a thing. Consider this a prediction.

Date: 2005-07-08 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] portia.livejournal.com
What are the chances that Denis will come on the Boll Weevil Monument in Enterprise, AL?

Date: 2005-07-08 03:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] storm-team.livejournal.com
I would say that there is a very good chance of that happening. And I know from personal experience that Dennis would not be the first.

Date: 2005-07-08 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] portia.livejournal.com
Cool! Thanks for the up-to-the-nanosecond response, Storm Team!

Date: 2005-07-08 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] storm-team.livejournal.com
That's what my wife says: no one comes faster than the WTF Action News Storm Team!

Date: 2005-07-08 03:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] portia.livejournal.com
Is that your weiner?

heh

(Oh, how I wish I had Ansley's "Ewww... weiners" icon here.)

Date: 2005-07-08 03:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] storm-team.livejournal.com
No, my weiner is much smaller than that, is misshapen, and has discolorations that render it useless on weather maps unless we experience a volcanic eruption and meteorite impact at the same time.

Date: 2005-07-08 03:28 am (UTC)
ext_113261: (Default)
From: [identity profile] evilegg.livejournal.com
If you hadn't of picked it wouldn't have scarred.

Date: 2005-07-08 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] storm-team.livejournal.com
I still have a hard time keeping my hands off of it. Especially when a big hurricane is approaching.

Date: 2005-07-08 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] portia.livejournal.com
HAHAHA! I bet Kim might have a few words in defense of your weiner...

Date: 2005-07-08 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kimatha.livejournal.com
indeed! It is a lovely wiener, nicely shaped, beautifully proportioned, and of gently blushing pinkness and gigantic size. I can't tell you exactly how big, though, because he won't let me near it with a tape measure.

Date: 2005-07-08 04:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] utforsker.livejournal.com
so, are we talking hand-and-a-half or claymore?

Date: 2005-07-08 07:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daddygod.livejournal.com
Main Gauche.

Date: 2005-07-08 04:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] solcita.livejournal.com
You'll just have to sneak up on him while he's asleep.

Date: 2005-07-11 06:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansley.livejournal.com
Better late than never. Ewwwww!

Date: 2005-07-08 07:11 am (UTC)

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